OMG.. What did I do.. LOL

We had said we were going to start in Sep. to get pregnant, but we decided that last month would be ok, SOO  we started ttc last month instead, but since we missed our "good" days last month we hit right on this month!! we are pregnant again!! What did we do?!?! AHHH Alex will be 18 months old  and Miguel 4, when this little one is born.

I just can't believe it. It seems so unreal to me. It's still real early and  since we had the miscarriage in June we are going to wait as long as we can, although I am just not so sure how long that will be.

I am was only 10 days past Ovulation, so early to find out, but since I only have a 26 day cycle, I was already 2 days late when I found out.

I just found out yesterday, and my tests are still light, So I am still waiting for the hormone to double and my tests to get darker.

Here is a pic of the one from last night.. Good news, they had gotten darker from the test I took in the Morning!



If you are a friend on Facebook, you have to keep it quite!!

temping... why even try??

I think Murphy is trying to tell me not to temp. Everything has just not been working out for me!!
I got my BBT and tried to start using it. Well the first night my Son decided that the time that I wanted to temp was going to mess with his sleep, so he work up about 30 mins before I was going to temp, so I couldn't do it that night
Then the next night I set my alarm for 430 since that's when it's going to work for me, BUT my phone stopped working.. I ended up waking up about an hour before hand and just took my temp then,  So Now I will be temping at 3 instead of 430 when I would be getting up, OK no biggie.. But since the lights are off and I can't see I go to rely on the memory setting that it has to look at what my temp was later... Ok so I mark that down on my chart. Next morning do the same thing, ONLY to realize that my temps two days in a row were the same... I thought it was odd, but it happened the last time we ttc'd, well Go the 3rd day, same temp yet again, So I check my Thermometer only to realize the feature is not working!! The whole reason I got that one is not working!! and now I am 3 days wasted!!
SO then I said well I guess I will just have to look at it then and write it down when I take it, so the next night I go to do that.. BUT yet again My son has other idea's.. although he had a reason, He was sick and woke up every half hour.. yeah I am not kidding when I say that!! So no temping that night!!
go to last night. I go to sleep, my son is sleeping, and my alarm is set for 430 (since I can cross out my 3 am temps) But what happens?? I missed the alarm, but not because I didn't hear it, but because I had a dream that I already took my temp, wrote it down, and everything in this dream, so when my alarm went off in real life I thought it messed up and went off again.. so I turned it off and went back to sleep without REALLY temping.
So now I sit here and wonder if the outside cosmic world is trying to tell me something!!  Should I listen, or should keep trying,   see where that takes me, or even if I will get a temp that is anywhere remotely correct.

waiting sucks!

 So here I am in the 2ww (two week wait) 10 days past ovulation. I am a total pee on a stick aholic, So I have been taking HPT's everyday ( I can because I have 100 hpt's)
This is our first cycle after the miscarriage, and our first cycle of "trying"
I am not sure what will come of it, but I know I don't really feel like it's going to happen, BUT yet I just can not stop myself from taking tests.


I have been praying for our rainbow, and I know in time we will get it. Lately I have saw the most beautiful one back on September 23rd, a few days before Ovulation happened, So I remain clam and took it as a sign, but like I said I don't have a good feeling since timing of intercourse was not well timed. We did it late Thursday night, and Ovulation supposedly happened on Sunday.. I guess only a few more days of waiting, and I should get my answer by the 10th when the dreaded AF arrives or not.

Fingers crossed!

Alex Ruger is 7 months old!!

Where did the time go? It feels like just yesterday that I was bringing my little 7lbs 4 ounce baby boy home. Now he is a 15lbs little crawler!! He is moving everywhere!! He loves to try to get the dog food.. yeah I keep forgetting he is mobile and not picking up the bowl when I am done feeding little miss Emma. He hasn't found the water bowl yet, but I guess it's just a matter of time, for now he just wants Emma's food.

As for food, he has pretty much decided that he pretty much just wants solid food throughout the day, He will nurse like 3 times through the day, then a few time at night (which is more just comfort nursing) He loves just about anything I give him... well that is only if it's something I will eat. He does not like baby food, maybe he doesn't like the texture, Miguel was the same way too. Pizza, bread, waffles, banana's and pancakes are his favorite things to eat.

Alex still finds his brother amusing, and loves Miguel for now.. Miguel Loves Alex, but is starting to find that sharing his toys is really not that fun now that Alex wants them.  Before, when it didn't matter to Alex it was ok because Alex could care less about having something in his hand. Now Miguel is finding that Alex wants the toys just as much as he does.

Pretty soon we will be thinking about baby proofing from a little walker, and then his 1st birthday.

stay away.....

I have been staying off the computer as much as possible. I had found myself Obsessing over pregnancy website, and getting down about everyone being pregnant.
It has helped, but I am still finding myself depressed. I also wanted to stay off of Facebook cause I know everyone doesn't want to see me consistently post about being depressed. I had to start taking my natural remedy for depression again. I am hoping I feel it soon. I just started two days ago, yet I forgot to take them yesterday. 
What helps is having people to keep me busy, My boys, My mom, My friends, anyone really. But it's great to have my mom or friend here as well because when Miguel starts to act up rather than it really stressing me out I have someone to help me.


I was so afraid this was going to happen. When Oscar and I first started talking about trying for our last baby in September, before the miscarriage before anything ever happened. I had said I was scared about a miscarriage sending me back  into a spiral in depression.  Well look at where I am. Maybe not the spiral I thought but I am sure back in my depression. I am trying to do what I can to get out of my funk.  Any suggestions are welcomed!

I am really needing to move on

I just feel like I am stuck going no where. I haven't really felt happy since this whole thing happened. My mom keeps pushing me to take antidepressants or something, but If I do, I can't and will not get pregnant on them!  and Getting pregnant is my issue.
I want to move forward, and right now I feel like I can't unless I see two line on that test.. but at the same time I understand I need to be happy for what I have. I have two healthy and handsome little boys. They are my world, but until I am happy I feel like they are not really getting their mommy.
This year has been nothing but depression for me. I felt great for what maybe 2 months before this happened again. My mom told me the other day she missed my smile. I miss it too!
I want to get away, but without extra money to do so, I am stuck in my rut. 
I am closing out my Facebook account for  a little bit, to see if that helps. I am always on the pregnancy websites, and I know that is not helping me at all.
I will be back on at some point, but for now I will be hiding my computer and trying my best to find things to do with my boys

Just one of those days

Today has been one of those days that I have been extremely sad over the m/c. I have been thinking about what I would be doing, what I would be thinking and little things like that. I am still spotting since the m/c so I have been obsessing over the fact that I won't get a period for a long while and thinking that It may not happen in September just for that fact. I have been using OPK's because I have heard if you O' then your period should be about 2 weeks from then. The line today is getting darker, but now I'm sitting here thinking that If I know I'm O'ing then what's going to stop me from wanting to try right now, But then I remember we can't try right now cause we are not even having sex (not that we don't want to but because Oscar's little member has a cut and we are trying to let it heal) So between thinking about when and if my period will show I have to worry about is Oscar member going to be healed in time for the big show? It's gotten me so down thinking about it possibly not happening. We will only be ttc for a few months, and if It doesn't happen I will most likely feel down up till we ttc again